Full-Time Car Thief
January 13, 2009 by Kip
Filed under Best Of KipTip, Dear Kip
[ Full-Time Car Thief ]
Dear Kip,
My best friend’s friend is stealing cars. He steals a few cars a week and always promises that he will stop after a few more cars. He’s even stealing a car as I’m writing this. He’s already been to jail twice, what advice can I give my friend so she can give her friend? She is really afraid that her friend is going to be locked up any day now, for 10 years or more.
- LOOKING OUT
Dear LOOKING OUT,
I find your letter odd. You are a guy [based off of your writing style and email address] and your best friend is gal. Your best friend’s friend is a guy. I’m guessing that your best friend’s guy friend is not her best friend and from your letter… she cares for him. It’s rare for a guy to have a real friend or best friend of the opposite sex. The same is true for gals…
The friend part is usually secondary because at least one of the friends has a crush or other and probably wants to more than a friend.
What am I getting at? You like this gal a lot. You don’t care about Mr. Car Thief and you probably want him to get a good 10 years behind bars. Mr. Car Thief is probably going to end up in jail no matter how great the advice. You on the other hand would earn points from your "best friend" for trying to help her help her friend.
So, lets start at the beginning. I’ve converted your letter to what was written between the lines:
Dear Kip,
There is this girl that I’m in love with. She is very smart, beautiful, and has nice breasts. She is dating this loser black dude that jacks cars. I pray everyday for him to get arrested and get 200 years behind bars. I’m stuck in her "friend zone" and I desperately need to get out of it. I feel like one of her girlfriends and there is only so much sob stories that I can take. I also dream about her every night and I can’t get her out of my mind.
With the black dude out of the way will I have a chance to get with her? Should I tip the cops off about the dude? What do I do to get her to be my girlfriend?
PS: I have 3 cats and 4 myspace pages
- In The Friend Zone
The advice is simple: Be a man.
- Tell her that you can’t be her best friend but you can be her boyfriend
- If you’re a loser, don’t expect success
- Hint: 95% of women love flowers
- Have an emergency plan, the black guy is probably going to kick your ass whether you succeed or fail
- Be less of a loser than the current boyfriend
- Don’t ask her out over the phone, through email, or through a text message
- She might have nice breasts but you must maintain eye contact
PS: Don’t get shot!
May the best man win!
- Kip
oh.. quite a diff post.. hey make him understand the fact that he is always cursed by some one.. Pray to God as he can surely change his mind…
Uhmm….Kip must have his monitor in inverse-video mode since the guy in the picture is clearly not black by any criteria of which I am aware.
But otherwise, Kip is totally on target with analysis and advice.
@David
LOL! Unfortunately, none of the “black guy jacking a car” pictures were as good as the current one. The picture is just a symbol/icon of the topic.
I agree with David, why do you assume that the car thief is black? I didn’t see anything to indicate that in his question.
@Brenda
I’m pretty good about reading between the lines.
lol. Nice post and car thieves only look good in movies.
smile*
What kind of Kleptomaniac is this? Cars are a really big ticket item.
@Sharaaz: How about in the picture above?
@Jack Payne: I don’t think he’s collecting/hording cars. It’s probably his job.
good post and interesting.
I think i see more mexicans steal cars than anyone else.
Haha this is my kind of humor. Gotta love it. Keep it up!
Robin
Just reading the guys story, the first thing that pops in my head is that a black guy is doing all the stealing, drive-bys, driving that black caddy and making his 10 year old brother do the naughty things, Im not being racist here, its what hollywood teaches us about the black community.
Thats good advice for him to expect a whupping and to try not to get shot. And to be a man.