Give Me Porn Or Give Me Death!
February 19, 2009 by Kip
Filed under Best Of KipTip, Dear Kip
[ Give Me Porn Or Give Me Death! ]
Dear Kip,
I recently turned 30 and I’m extremely addicted to porn. I live alone in my apartment and literally my whole place is covered in porn. I have nude posters and magazine pages pinned up on every wall of the apartment. There is even porn on the refrigerator and the floor is littered with magazines and DVDs. I don’t let anyone come over because I don’t feel comfortable with them seeing my extreme addiction. I have over 50 porn site memberships and about 3000 favorited porn websites on my browser. I really think that I’ve seen it all but I must have more. Web, video, and magazine porn doesn’t do it for me anymore. The only thing that is saving me right now is my neighbor across the street; she is in her 40’s and has an okay body. I turn off all of the light in my apartment and focus in on her bedroom window with my binoculars. I once even waited over 72 hours to catch a glimpse of her. The wait was so worth even though I didn’t get to see her naked and just in a bra for 3 seconds. I’ve tried to kick my addiction and focus on sports or on a different hobby but after 3 hours I kept blacking out and my head felt like it was being crushed by a 10 ton gorilla. As soon as I got home and turned the TV on to my VIP porn channel, the soothing moans relaxed me and healed all of my pain. I really hope that I didn’t miss any action from my neighbor while I was out for 3 hours! I’ve had a girlfriend once but that didn’t last long. She kept hitting on me and I think that she just wanted me for sex. I never sleep with her (or anyone else) and broke up with her as soon as I remembered my neighbor. What can I do to kick my porn addiction or to find something more rewarding than my neighbor? I heard rumors that my neighbor might be moving soon and I’m afraid that I will die!
- GIVE ME SOME MORE
Dear GIVE ME SOME MORE,
Unfortunately, I can’t recommend for you to get castrated because in your case it’s all in your brain. You are extremely ill and must be fixed or destroyed.
Based off of the symptoms that you described, your head will explode (literally) when your chronic porn addiction isn’t quenched. If your neighbor moves out or if you get bored of spying on her and then you can’t satisfy your addiction with something else… In a matter of days your brain will kill you in a bloody display of “fireworks.”
You will not find any treatment available for your condition in the United States. You will either have to travel to Russia or Iraq for experimental brain surgery. Yes, there are many risks involved the surgery and the numbers are against you. It’s possible that you will lose control of your bowels and genitals. There’s also a possibility that after the surgery when you first get sexually excited, that your heart will just stop. Just to be safe, I recommend that you move someplace where you will never come in contact with humans. Avoid and do not look at animals.
If the doctors can’t cure you, don’t be surprised if they keep you for other brain surgery experiments. Such acts are considered normal and you should be proud to give your body as a sacrifice to science (since you probably won’t have a choice). If this is a deal breaker for you, you can probably bribe the doctor with 2 bottles of cheap vodka. Don’t be surprised if you don’t make to the airport alive, there are many attractive women in Russia. These might help…
Good luck!
- Kip
You have A LOT of memberships.. you know there is free ways to get porn online without paying for it. Not like i would know.. but…. hahaha
One of my teachers keeps mentioning the free sites in class. His excuse is he caught his students watching it during lecture. Yeah right…
But anyways back to your addiction.. I think you need to find a girl you actually WANT to sleep with.. and not just have a gf you dont want to #$&*! If you catch my drift…and spend a whole year boarded up at home doing nothing but screwing your brains out so all of your desires are exhausted.
Or go to http://www.xxxchurch.com and read through it and ask them for help with your addiction and they’ll give you resources to battle this addiction
Dude, you got some serious issues. Something mental.
I knew a few people like you, but they arent alive anymore, once porn isnt enough, they kill themselves. Seriously gotta think what your doing…
Get a good girl freind, go to church and try spending more time with freinds, it might get you out of your porn addiction…
Try drinking vodka.
Err… Transfer a chronic porn addiction to alcohol addiction? That can only mean two things, alcohol poisoning and death. GIVE ME SOME MORE, please stick with original advice.
Nah, i didnt say get addicted to alcohol. I only said to drink a little, or at least thats what i meant.
My point was, ppl gotta try new things.
In this case drinking alcohol would be dangerous since addictions are transferred/replaced with other addictions. “Man found dead in living room… It seems he died while doing yoga… More tonight at 6pm.”
Alcohol is the answer to ALL your problems.. until you get down to the bottom of the bottle and realize that not only are your problems still all there.. you are now out of alcohol too and cant go get anymore cause you’re too drunk to drive. Sad isn’t it???
But yeah I gotta agree with kip.. some people have an addictive nature and get addicted to things regardless of what they are
Which means your addicted to something too, right Lily?
I said some people have addictive nature.. didn’t say I did. But speaking of which I guess I am addicted to something… but definitely am not announcing it for the whole world to hear! hahahah
Can we guess?
Is it by any chance porn? Vodka?
Vodka addiction is only on the weekends.. porn… a few times a month. hahaha
Just kidding
Keep guessing honey
Love your comments, MissLiLLy! Hahahaha!!!!! Keep it up!
Is it men?
Damn Paul you should join the CIA or FBI.. I swear your skills would be so valuable to them.
You caught me though.. red-handed..same for the other 1298371298371298731298731298 women in this world [who havent gone lesbian of course]
Guess again babe
Kiska thank you honey
I dont know where you get your numbers from, but theres only about 6 billion people in this world. Not whatever you wrote.
And yea, i have skills that the FBI would love. I been trying to get a job their for 5 years now. They dont want me cuz im a communist and wear a large fir hat…
So, allright. I will try to guess again.
Is it, Drugs? It has to be, theres only so many things that real people get addicted to… know what i mean?
FBI is harder to get into than Harvard. If you think you can make that cut… well props to you and to your mom for instilling so much confidence in you
But yes your communist flag would contribute to thier decision of disqualifying you from the get go.
Drugs.. not so much. Out of all the things I’ve tried in life.. surprisingly [or not] drugs were never one of them
Third times a charm maybe?
By the way, im done with harvard, did a 4 year thing in law. Passed it with flying colors now i owe them alot of green.
Maybe i should try the CIA and go spy on russian? lol haha
Allright. Let me guess again.
Books? Pets? Eating right? Exercise? Water? Garbage? Games? And last but not least, is it SEX?
does anyone else feel the sexual tension between lilly and paul… did they really just flirt over blogs in the form of comment fighting?
for real though it seems to me that “give me porn or give me death” just needs to get laid..a lot.. go on e harmony or chemistry.com or any of those dating sites and find you a little nympho to freak the shit out of!! im sure you will quit being such a creepy porn addict/peeping tom pervert..
HAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The tension is definitely not sexual.
Antisexual?
Lilly are you sure its not sexual? cuz i thought differently, im just being open here.
Please remove my name from your list. Your out of my league.
Thanks, Earl
???
You have a list?
Only if I’m Santa, but no one has contacted me from the North Pole and no official announcement has been made. Should I accept if they offer the job?
Kip, what i think happened here, well, Earl is old and computers are new to him, he thought he was unsubscribing from a porn website that he registered with a week ago and found out that its a site with only teens.
Earl, next time you write something make sure you double check the website URL to make sure your on the right site. I dont think kip has a list, and if im mistaken, can you please tell us what list you were talking about?
Also Earl, What League are you in?
I dont know, it might take away from your kiptip time
But hey you can bring me extra presents, so TAKE it
Wow, the time that we’re living in. First a black president and maybe a female Santa?!
I don’t think that the North Pole knows about me though…
I’m never on Santa’s list. He’s never heard of innocent until proven guilty. The fat bastard. Oh crap, there goes my pony.
Doesn’t the witchdoctor deliver gifts to most of Africa?
No. But they do make muti out of naughty children.
Earl, if you are subscribed “Letters & News,” there should be an “unsubscribe” link on bottom of subscription. (Is that it?)
It’s too bad that you don’t like it here.
Aww earl hurt your feelings
lets cry
*sniff sniff*
Give me porn. Hold the death.
GIVE ME SOME MORE
You are god among men. You have an interesting background. One thing which confuses me, u said you had a gf but u never wanted sex or ever had any.
yet, you have over 50 porn memberships. So are you addicted to porn and perv, cause it doesnt seem like your addicted to sex. you like the idea of being caught perving and thinking of being dirty, which is why you like to perv on girls on the web.
As long as you know your line i think, your just one of us males. i have over 50 Gigs of porn myself. I know many males who do. I think your next time is to tell us more about your life, write a book about it. i would buy it lol.
Not sure how far youll get to your neighbour, im more concerned about her safety. have you ever tried to get help from your local clinic for your porn addiction?
Goodluck
Hi comrades!
I can fix you don’t worry ….It happens to be I’m a doctor and I will be more than delighted to fix your problemito…
Just come here to Iraq and I will make you a little brain surgery and you will see the changes yourself….amazing results guaranteed! (Although your survival chances are below 90% -That means * -90% *)
We will fix you and send you back home ….BTW all of our equipments are made in USSR so don’t worry they will definitely fail us right after we begin surgery!
Now seriously , man just do something else other than watching this stuff ..try social service or go get yourself a good women , I know it is easier there than here to get yourself a GF.
Till that time….
Ha ha ha ha I’m the boss and no one else..
(Used to be said by the real Saddam)