I Let My Boyfriend Get Away With Everything
February 24, 2009 by Kip
Filed under Best Of KipTip, Dear Kip
[ I Let My Boyfriend Get Away With Everything ]
Dear Kip,
My boyfriend recently left me. I have no idea how it happened… Things with us had gotten rocky and he kept saying that he sort of wanted to breakup but afterwards didn’t seem so sure about it. I later learned he had been seeing this girl behind my back for the last month. Now he’s dating her and I haven’t heard from him at all. I’m totally heartbroken and don’t even know how this happened. I don’t know what made him change his mind, but his sister told me after we broke up that he never settles down for long and isn’t exactly the nicest guy. I feel that things were going well… Maybe I freaked him out when I told him I loved him… I don’t know what to think… I swore he liked me but when we broke up he started trying to make excuses for himself for hurting me. Do you think I’ll ever hear from the guy again? I have no idea what happened. He told me that I was crazy and that I needed to go see the doctor because I got mad after we slept together and he said that he was crazy about me. The next day he said that he wanted to be just friends! HUH?!?!
- LOST FOR WHYS
Dear LOST FOR WHYS,
Why didn’t you push your boyfriends down the stairs when you first heard him utter “Baby, I think but I’m not sure, uuuuh I might — I think, I want want — maybe, to break up with you – but not sure! *Big Smile* *Uncomfortable Laughter* Baby, give me sugar!” Some might call that over reacting but trying to “run” off with another girl – in a wheelchair… he would find a bit difficult. What’s done is done and you can’t change the past. Of course if you really wanted to, you can still push him down the stairs but that will only make you feel a little better.
Here’s the truth, he used you and you should have seen it coming.
He spelled it out for you: I–s-o-r-t–o-f–w-a-n-t–t-o–b-r-e-a-k–up-w-i-t-h–y-o-u. You are probably young and missed all of the signs in your relationship telling you “In case of emergency, break glass, take high heel, shove up boyfriend’s ass, and dump boyfriend.” Your boyfriend’s relationship to you was parasitic, he received everything he desired, and eventually moved on to another host. Him getting everything he wanted and being “crazy” about you was an illusion to you of everything being okay. Isn’t it normal for couples to love each other and say “I love you” to each other? I can’t believe you took him back as long as things would be “okay” again.
You can do better than him and you should be glad that he walked out of your life now instead of years later after he consumed all of your young life. You probably would have continued being oblivious to his true self until he ended the relationship.
Your road to recovery:
- What is the goal of your relationship? If it’s marriage, then remove sex from the relationship. You need to be extra careful since you’ve already been burned.
- Background check, friend check, and mamma check your next boyfriend.
- Enjoy being single. Only one person can hurt you… You.
- Carry a brick in your purse.
- Make sure that all of your boyfriend candidates know that if they mess with you… They will hurt… A LOT!
- Work with your local governor to create a “Man Whore Alert.”
- Practice throwing and aiming your high heels.
There are many lessons that can be learned from your last relationship, I hope you do.
- Kip
Always my pleasure to give my highly important advice first since the ones below mine wont matter and shouldnt be taken into consideration, heck, dont even bother reading them unless they are mine.
First of all, i wish i knew how old you were and how old your so called “ex boyfreind” was. I guess it wont matter. Next time you write someone for advice and help please include your real name, phone number, address, your boyfreinds real name, number and address. That way i could personaly give you advice from the comfort of your own home and not so comfort for your ex boyfreind which would be tied up in the living room, bent over and have unidentified objects showed up his ass.
Heres the problem. I normally listen to two sides of the story before i can say anything, but since your ex wasnt around than i will pretend that i knew what happened.
What he did to you is called a test drive. It means before buying a new or used car a person takes it for a spin around the block to see if he likes it or not. If he likes it and can afford it, he comes inside the dealerships, negotiates and if hes lucky, signs the papers and takes his new ride home to show off to his family and freinds. Same can be said about humans, especially the ones living in the united states, test drives are considered normal and are actually encouraged to do so. It kinda makes sense, in a weird way. Your ex boyfreind been with you for a while, slept with you, “test drove” and didnt like it or couldnt afford you. Coming up with a million excuses like, “gotta pick kids up from school”, “dog is hungry at home”, “need to feed my mother”, “need time to think about it”, “will come back tomarrow” and not saying the truth that hes actually going across the road to a different dealer where he found something better that he liked and will probably take it home. I dont know why people do that, they think if they lie it will make us feel better, but we see jacks like that all the time and we know 99% of the time they will never come back and when we see them somewhere they hide.
So, why didnt he like you? Were you not giving him enough love and time? Maybe he didnt like your parents. Maybe you were overweight or wasnt what he expected you to be? Were you a loud nagging b****? I mean, theres alot of reasons why a guy would change his mind, can you blame him? I also dont see a reason why your not happy, if i was you i would be on my knees thanking GOD that its over and asking him to protect you from such evil in the future.
Like Kip kinda said, the only way to sign the papers and take the ride home is to skip the test drives. Than once the ride is home its too late because the dealers wont take it back and divorce is a long and painfull process that no one should consider as a choice. Also, trade-ins are not advisable. Always buy new and with warranty.
The one thing i always hated, is when customers lied why they were leaving us. So go ahead, catch your boyfreind somehow, fly to New York City, climb the state empire building and throw him off. Or, throw him down the stairs, but make sure it hurts him alot and that he wont ever forget. “break his leg”, just a suggestion.
But for now, enjoy being single and use your head like it was made to be used.
Thanks for reading my advice/comments. Untill next time.. Peace
Or do this to his car:
Divorce is long and painful unless you live in washington.. then its like 90 days. Quick and easy!!!! Lets all move to Washington now.. *sound of crickets chirrping*
Anyways my dear friend you are a naive and stupid stupid girl. Guys ALWAYS give signs before they leave. You act so surprised and you dont know how it happened that he left you.. girl its simple!!! He said he wanted to break up with you.. but since he had nothing else lined up he stayed with you so he wouldnt be alone and when the other girl was a sealed deal…he RAN lol. Sorry to laugh but its true. As far as him telling you he’s crazy about you AFTER he slept with you.. umm dont you know that guys can only think with one head and a time and right after it was over he was caught up in the moment and the rush of endorphins that he could’ve said something like that without meaning it. Hell some guys will even tell you they love you after a great BJ! Doesn’t mean its true though. My grandpa told me that guys actions will show he loves you.. not his words. Think about it…….
Kip is right.. the only person who can hurt you.. is YOU! Next time i’d be more careful with who I trust my heart to and don’t be so quick to let your emotions get the best of you. Let him go.
And Paul.. is there something you want to tell us?? You are practically butt raping the guy in your comment… someone hiding in the closet much?? lol Just kidding but seriously im disturbed
Thanks for your comment, a bit harsh but nice to know that somebody has some advice out there for me. I don’t agree with the whole, answer but I do agree that I was stupid. When a guy starts treating you like shit, its apparent what he thinks of you, and probably doesn’t deserve you, or anyone the way he is. The thing is, he’s a single dad, and has a lot of mental issues probably shouldn’t have even got involved with him. I don’t agree with the fact that he had no feelings for me though. Yes, he may have used me and just kept me around until he could phase the next girl in, but I think deep down he knew he couldn’t meet my expectations. Hence phasing the new one in. However it really hurts to be replaced that fast… and I am hoping he misses me at least somewhat, however he may not…. and he’s a dick…
You can believe what you want girl… granted you know more than we do but its still very fishy. I have been involved with more than one guy who had a kid.. let me tell you that its not the best situation to get involved in. You said that he probably knew he couldn’t meet your expectations.. well if thats the case he wouldn’t have strung you along from the beginning. The guy i was involved with told me from the beginning that he cannot be the man that i want and need therefore he never fully pulled me into his life or made me think that we would have a relationship. Sure we saw each other but I never had any expectations from it. I knew where we stood with each other at all times. And when he told me he really cares about me.. i believed him because of his actions not his words. He felt like his life was a drag but he didn’t drag me down with him. But in your situation he used the emotions that you were offering him. Plain and simple.
and u are right he did leave signs he was going to leave… i think he got freaked out of commitment then found someone else…..he started leaving mega signs..just never thought when he left it would be with someone else…thats what hurts..
What do you want to tell us Paul?
First of all, im not gay and my family does not think im gay.
Second, im not hiding anything in my closet, but i will check…
You guys feel disturbed cuz you dont know how it feels when people lie to you couple times a day and come up with the most lame excuses there is, also, that means i dont get paid. But, this girl opened up some more that she didnt tell us before. She dated a single father. Did she even know why he was single and what happened to the mother of the child? I mean, cmon, if he leaves the mother of the child, he will have no problem leaving anyone else.
Sorry Krista for beating on you, lol, that was a joke. But anyways, read the advice one more time and follow it. Agree with it or not, it will help you and make the rest of your life better. So take care and have a good life.
thanks everyone for your advice (misslilly) im not in denial about this whole thing, i guess u just wonder why it all happened. and no paul he didnt leave the mother of his kid..aparantly she left him..and shes a crazy party animal so he basically despises the mother, she wants nothing to do with the child. ur right though, if he cared about mehe would have said look i cant give u what u want thats why i am doing thi.s…not string me along and use my admiration of him to his benefit, then weasle someone beter for his situation in there..but thats a man i geuss…a selfish one
Krista I’m not trying to be cruel to you.. I’m really not. Its just that these things happen everyday and I know that you feel like your whole world shattered. Especially if you cared so deeply for him and he just took advantage of that and walked all over you and walked out. I sympathize with you.. believe me. But you’ll get through it.. you’ll move on and I hope that someday you find that guy who will love you for everything that you are and for everything that you have to offer to him.
Accept that this guy is at the bottom of the barrel and next time date up instead of down.
We know you can sometimes be cruel MissLiLLy, but dont apologize, its the same as taking your words back and not meaning them. Say what you mean and mean it, Be proud of what you say and stick to it. The worst thing that can happen is Krista crying from your advice, but we all know anything you say is from the bottom of your heart and you wish the best for everyone.
Peace…
thanks miss lilly it was stupid i know
honestly i tried breaking up with the guy a couple times, but somehow he kept trying to reel me back in, no idea why but he did. i am moving on slowly its just i still have messed up nightmares about it and stuff. hell probly put this new girl through some sort of rollercoaster too. do u think ill ever hear from the guy again??not that id want to….its just theres still no closure to it. i even had to stop talking to my best friend cuz she works with him and wouldnt shut up about him and his new girlfriend- that has got to be the most pain ive ever felt. even though shes not that great apparantly…its really hard to take when someone moves on that fast…
Krista i know how hard it is to move on when you feel like you didnt receive any closure. I bet that for him he feels like he has completely closed the door and you still like there are so many things left undone and many loose ends to tie up. Honey him leaving is all the closure that you need from him. Honestly, If i was in your shoes I’d go somewhere I know he is.. tell him exactly whats on my mind and then walk away without ever looking back. And I’d make sure that I look smoking hot in the process. Because once I’ve said my peace.. thats all the closure I need lol
Good luck with that babe. But don’t sit around waiting if he’ll ever call or text or whatnot. Keep yourself busy with other things and don’t wait by the phone. And if he does end up coming around… let it be evident that you have no time or room for him in your life.
the really sad part of it is ive never loved somebody like him..i lost 10 pounds when we broke up…its been a month almost and i still miss him bad… *Sigh*
To Krista…
Lesson learned. Now do the world a favor and help others like yourself in trouble. Help Kip and others like me give people advice. Also, send me a check so i can start on the Man Whore Alert project.
@MissLiLLiy,
I heard that here in washington when a couple gets divorced everything goes to the wife automatically, than if you want something back like your car or house than you need to hire a lawyer and hope hes not related to your wife.
In other words, Lets not all move to washington. Better yet, Lets end the divorce era and force couples to live with their loved ones. Can i get a Amen?
If we’re going for force couples to live with their loved ones lets first eliminate the need for people [especially slavic people] to get married by the time they hit puberty. Seriously….
I dont advocate divorce.. dont get me wrong. But I’ve seen too much to say that the better option is to stay together. Some people are better off divorcing and going their seperate ways instead of continuing to torture each other for the rest of their exsistance in this world.
It is statistically known that if you get married after the age of 21[which is still a bit young..] your probability for divorce falls dramatically.
I think its important for both people to figure out exactly who they are and grow into their own skin before forging a family. Nothing is worse than growing and maturing and realizing your spouse is still the same old 16 year old kid he was the day you met him.
Also marriage shouldn’t be an escape from loneliness or just a trend that you follow because everyone else is doing it. One of my favorite preachers said that if you take 2 lonely single people and marry them, you’ll have 2 lonely married people. Please learn to love yourself before you attempt to love anyone else or expect the other person to love you. How can someone love what you hate so passionately.
When parents are happy, the children are happy as well.
Now can I get an AMEN?!
Not yet. I need my amen first.
But yea, i agree with everything you said in the last post, “for the first time”. lol
I know alot of girls and boys that got married under 20, including both of my sisters. I guess for girls its a little different.
I also met my freinds aunt, she lives here in washington, she got married at 15 and i believe the guy was 21 or something like that. Its so wrong on so many levels. Man, what was he thinking, what did their parents think. I would be embarresed to date someone that young, not talking about getting married to a 15 year old.
Back to the subject. We should do something about this early marriage trend and 50% divorce rate. Most people say theres no age to love or something like that, i think thats complete bull. At 18 you still dont know what love is. All 18 year old boys and girls think that lust is love, but, its not that. The people that dont sleep around tend to get married early. And why? Cuz they want to learn, they want to experince that thing so called love and more than often they find out that love isnt what they were hopeing for.
I dont exactly have stats for the 5000 years ago time, but i think they didnt have the divorce rate so high like we do now. I think we might have to go back to ancient times to solve this problem. Kidnapping girls and marrying them, buying them as slaves, parents finding you the bride, etc.. Its a little harsh, but it worked. Also, i give credit, “a little” to the muslim people, they are perverted in so many areas except one. The marriage, the commitment between a woman and man. I dont agree with the covering your whole body way and only showing the eyes, but somehow it works for them. They dont sleep around, in fact, its against their religion and if they do, they somehow get punished, “probably to go blow themselves up”, but anyways, i worked with a few, they are married and divorce doesnt come to their mind. Most of them dont even touch alcohol.
So what exactly keeps a marriage strong? Based on my research*, its when a woman satasfys her man. As in, always cooks, cleans, makes him happy in bed, keeps the house organized, takes care of the kids, always happy to see her husband, etc… Trust me, no man will ever even think about leaving a woman like that unless hes a complete idiot. Agree with me or not, the woman has to put herself in the second place, thats the only way a marriage will last. I think GOD made a woman to help the man not the other way around. Now days the women want to be on top and be the damn boss.
Also, to the men, you gotta know your territory, support the family, teach the kids, help the wife, treat the wife with respect not like a slave, etc… Its so simple, anyone could do it.
Anyways, how about a Amen?
*I’am launching my new website later on this year with my research on family and how to make it work and my book on relationships is coming out in October.
hmm according to your input, in some ways i will agree someways disagree. they say the main reason a lot of people leave their spouses for someone else is because they feel neglected. i dont think the woman necessarily has to do all that stuff, its the 2000s comeon haha. but anyhow…i think people just dont have any regard for eachother anymore, they cheat, go off with other people a lot of times…and just dont care. (im bitter wrong person to talk to). but its true its a world where everyone puts themselves first now…and a cruel one.
i personally think back years ago just because people stayed married doesnt mean that they were happy, i just think now people care about themselves more now and looking for something else to satisfy them with no regard for their partner. plus theres more stresses such as…well such as money is more of an issue now even tho im from canada…its for sure like that all over north america. people just dont have morals and are selfish plain and simple.
finding someoneon to love is no longer something speical, its all what can u do for me…
If you go back EVEN 50 years back divorce was pretty low.. and why?? Because being divorced carried a stigma with it. Once the stigma was lifted in the free love age of the 1970s the rates skyrocketed and then leveled off in the late 1980s and 1990s. They’re still high today but not as high as they were back in the 1970s.
And please before you make claims about the muslims check for facts. I studied their culture last semester and all these “facts” that you make.. arent very factual. I could go into detail but I wont right now because Im running late to class.
As for the last part.. I tend to agree with that point of view but a man shouldn’t just EXPECT it but should value and appreciate it. And not all woman show they’re love by works, so do it by words and some in other ways. But seems to me like your love language is works so you need a woman who would do all those things for you. Believe it or not, not all guys care that deeply about those things you mentioned. I am one of those girls who shows her love by works so I would do all those things fro my man in a heartbeat.. but dont get any ideas now. lol
I sorta read the koran and i worked with muslims, 3 of them were my managers, we talked alot about the russian – muslim culture. thats where i got my facts from. And no, you dont have to agree with everything i say. lol. If i was to lay all the facts and figures out, i would upset kip cuz we would take over her website.
First of all the Koran is VERY similar to the bible. But besides that, did you figure out which type of muslim they were? I am willing to bet that they were part of the group that makes up a small percentage of the total population.
Other than that i think Kip can appreciate an intelligent debate. But if I was in your shoes I would base my argument on more than just generalizations I came up with based on the testimony of 3 individuals. Thats debate 101 for you mister.
I’m really enjoying this intelligent debate. Carry on!
oh i was in washington on the weekend, i live near it
ahh, i live in seattle, i go to bellingham alot, i have relatives there. Which means you live in vancouver right?
ive been to seattle, very close to vancouver yes
Anyways, theres alot of wrong things going on in this country and yes the money is a big one and always was. Pretty much if you dont have money you dont have a life. Back in the days the rich were the ones that had alot of cattle, pigs, camels and goats, oh and sheep. Land was the other big thing. Now its the darn cars, clothing, shoes, watches, houses, the boring useless stuff that doesnt have any value and doesnt make people happy nor healthy.
But, like everyone agrees with me, people are not in the places that they should be. Its the damn entertainment era that scrued everyone up. Kids want to be better than parents, wives want to boss their husbands, employees can sue their boss’s, actually, it looks like when everyone is equal, thats when problems happen. No kings, no slaves, no 500 wives, etc…
Back to the subject, yes i think you will hear from your ex again, its a normal human thing. Once he scrues up with his current gf, he might understand some stuff and realize that he has to go back and fix the old problems and might try to hook up with you again. Um, alot of time girls fall for it, but what you should do is play the game, pretend you want him back for a long time than show him your new boyfreind, or pretend you have a boyfreind. Paybacks a bitch.
Be smart, dont be a fool. Good luck. Its 9 in the morning and i havent slept all night. Peace Out. BTW, email me… I wont charge you for my private one on one sessions.
mkay how would i email u ??ha
Easy, i wont write my email on here cuz it will get indexed by search engines and i will be flooded with spam. Easy thing, go to 50statesauto.com and hit contact us. Send a messege and when i wake up i will reply.
what i did not tell you is that…well i worked with this dude. u guys are gonna curse me for it but this guy is evil pure evil. things started going south with me and him….and i think he some how persuaded my boss (who already hated me ) to get rid of me. it was VERY terrible because just after i was fired( there was no real reason for it ) he broke up with me coordingly. it was really not fair..i think he had a bit to do with it…the guy never has to leave..lol THAT will give u sometehin to think about
Nobody will curse you out, we are actually nice people.
oooooooh and on top of all of this crap which really sucks i find out him and this girl are still “seeing eachother”. he said that shes a really nice person, and that he likes hanging out with her. that they do this and that together…man im pissed….dont know how he could do that so fast…but to me it sounds like he may not like her THAT much who really knows…what do u guys think?
So you did talk to him after he broke up with you?
no i didnt…i hear everything from my friend cuz she works with him..hes been telling people they still see eachother..that she is a nice person and he likes hanging out with her..im not fully convinced hes totaly into her…hoping its a rebound..but who knows….no i havent spoken to him in a long time…almost a month. about a month….but to hear him and her are still together when he royally screwed things up with me is a huge blow
i keep seeing this guy in my town lol with anew chick now..what a loser
just so u guys know since all this crap has happend…i sent him an email mid march cuz i needed closure on it i told him i still loved him but didnt want to be with him… this was after i found out him and his new girl had fallen in the crapper and he never even really liked her that much anyways….he has since, died his hair bright red, had major rage breakouts at work, quit his job, and moved back home. god knows what hes doing now but hes all screwed up anyways and nobody likes him anymore. i think everyone found out what a raging player he was….and yeah ive moved on. but he told me to f off before he had to change his number and then proceeded to call me a psycho in the last text i got from him, which was over a month ago. anyhow….hes done now…but the pain has faded u guys were right..and miss lilly was right..its very different reading these things when ur not in such a haze of emotion
Krista I’m glad you’re moving on and you’re doing better
You know whats funny…after I all this advice that I wrote to you..I went through my own breakup and I came back and read everything that I wrote and it was as if I was speaking to myself the whole time. No joke
Im glad that things get better with time and we move on to better things!
*hugs*
you will not belive what happened to me the other day, right when i thought i had moved on ..i ran into him in the mall with YET another girlfriend…who knows what number since we broke up..all he gave me was a very sad remorsefull look..and walked by..what a mood kill?!?! whats the situation on your breakup?
Its over and done with and I never looked back
But let me tell you I am so THANKFUL now that he broke up with me because I was free to meet the special someone who is in my life now and i could not be happier!
ya let me tell u it wasnt easy it takes loots of time but time is the great healer. what happened in ur situation??!!! you will move on with things, i just hope ur guy wasnt as big of jerk as mine