He Is Sick Of Relationships, But I Want Him!
March 9, 2009 by Kip
Filed under Best Of KipTip, Dear Kip
[ He Is Sick Of Relationships, But I Want Him! ]
Dear Kip,
I have this guy friend who I really like, but he just got out of this bad relationship at the same time as I got out of one. He told me that he never wants to be in another relationship again. I sometimes feel that he only sees me as a tomboy friend, but at the same time he treats me differently from his other female friends. We hang out every day, and do everything together. Even at one point a man thought we were a couple and he agreed with the man. I try to look for other signs to see if he might feel that way. What sort of signs should I look for? I am too scared to simply ask him because our friendship is too important to me and I am scared of making him uncomfortable.
- LOVE AFTER LOVE
Dear LOVE AFTER LOVE,
Would you date a guy that walked around with a knife in his chest? Would someone date you if you left a trail of blood everywhere you went? You and him are not ready for any kind of relationship, enjoy being single.
There is a possibility that this guy is not dating material. There are many jerks out there that do not want to commit to a girl but be treated by her as if he’s her boyfriend. Don’t be easy. When you’re healed up from your previous relationship only then let a man win your heart. Don’t go chasing guys, it’s pretty pathetic. It’s more pathetic than living the rest of your life alone with 10 cats!
He has given you two signs: “Stop” and “Children At Play.” He’s tired of being committed to one girl that ended up being a psycho. Part of the healing process is eating a lot of cheesecake and not calling guys. When guys call you during this time, you need to politely decline their offers to get you drunk or anything else that they have in mind. During the healing process is a good time to go to college for 3 years and get a degree in Psychology.
When your heart is ready for another relationship you will need to practice injecting subtle messages of availability into conversations with men that are husband material (Why husband material? Well, you’re looking not to get your heart crushed in 3 years right?).
Lets practice injecting those messages into various conversation:
Potential Husband #1: What’s up homie?
LOVE AFTER LOVE: Hi Potential Husband #1, not much.
Potential Husband #1: You look bootylicious!
LOVE AFTER LOVE: Thank you, nice socks!
Potential Husband #1: There’s going to be a party at Bob’s place tonight. Want to chill with us?
LOVE AFTER LOVE: No thank you, but I wouldn’t mind going out for a romantic dinner instead.
Potential Husband #2: Hi LOVE AFTER LOVE! I haven’t seen you in ages!
LOVE AFTER LOVE: Hey Potential Husband #2! I know, I got my degree in Psychology! How have you been?
Potential Husband #2: How cool! I’ve been well. I’m here to pick up some medicine for my sick Grandpa Frank. He’s not doing so well and might not make it.
LOVE AFTER LOVE: Oh, I’m sorry! That is very sad. Its nice of you to get him medicine.
Potential Husband #2: It’s the least I can do for him. You can stop by and say "hi" to him if you like.
LOVE AFTER LOVE: No, I don’t think that would be a good idea. Potential Husband #2, you poor thing this must be a very hard time for you. I think that romantic walk on the beach would help relax you.
Potential Husband #3: License and registration please! Do you know how fast you were going?
LOVE AFTER LOVE: Apparently not fast enough!
Potential Husband #3: Good one Mrs. LOVE AFTER LOVE, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to give you a ticket.
LOVE AFTER LOVE: Is that necessary? I’ve never gotten a ticket before…
Potential Husband #3: I’m afraid so.
LOVE AFTER LOVE: It so hard being a single woman, paying for everything, and on top of that a ticket.
Potential Husband #3: It must be tough.
LOVE AFTER LOVE: Since I was a little girl I’ve always felt that I was going to marry the first police officer that gives me a ticket.
Potential Husband #3: Errr… Okay, I’m going to let you off with a warning this once.
LOVE AFTER LOVE: How do I reach you if I have any questions about the ticket?
Potential Husband #3: I’m not giving you a ticket.
LOVE AFTER LOVE: What if I still have questions?
Potential Husband #3: I got to run, uuuh there’s been some murder bomb kidnapping… Drive safely!
Knowing how to inject availability messages into conversations is not going to make you look desperate when you return to the dating scene. Last but not least, dump your guy friends. 99% of them want you for one thing only and that one thing is not them committing to a relationship with you. Get some girlfriends instead but make sure that you’re better looking than all of them.
- Kip
So yo, listen, its a normal thing for both woman and men to say they dont ever want to be in a relationship again after they brake up. I heard it many times, seen it and had experience of my own with it. The truth is, after a while, maybe few months, those feelings go away and you start looking for a relationship again because you remember the good stuff and the bad stuff doesnt matter anymore and you want to re-live the good times.
My advice, leave that guy alone for a while, meanwhile stay single and focus on something other than men and relationships. When time is right and if that guy likes you, special things will happen, its nothing you can control right now and should not attempt to.
Asking him for love, time, dating is a very risky thing and you should avoid it, cuz, one, hes not over his last relationship completely and still in the hate-mood and sooner or later you will be his next target. And second, if you have a good thing going, dont break it, maybe thats all he wants from you right now, is a great honest good freindship without any strings attached. Maybe hes your freind to see if you would be a good mate for him, who knows, maybe theres some other reasons. Just stay at a distance right now, if you need love right now, visit your local adult shop and figure something out.
Good luck.
A lot of people swear off relationships when they get their heartbroken and some take a lot longer than the others to heal. Either they stay single and take the time to heal, or they rush into whats considered a rebound relationship to keep their mind off of the one they truly cared about that broke their heart. If you get into a relationship with this guy I’m afraid that most likely it will be a rebound thing for him, maybe not so much for you.
Just because you hang out with a guy everyday and do everything together doesn’t mean that he likes you. He does enjoy your company, or else he wouldnt spend so much time around you but… he probably sees you more of a like a sister than anything else.
The policy I live by though is ask and tell. There is no point in going around and guessing and breaking your brain over something that can be clarified in a 5 second conversation. One yes/no question will be enough to put you out of your misery.
If you want to be a good friend and stick around and see him through his breakup and healing process then more power to you, but do keep your own emotions and heart in mind. One of my favorite quotes and bible passages says “Above all else guard your heart”. Its great to look out for others but also keep your own sanity in mind. If its too difficult for you to just be his friend then distance yourself from him and stop spending so much time with him.
I love that Potential Husband #3 comment. Thats a riot.
But I don’t see why she needs to go to college, unless its to find a husband. She should take some cooking classes and practice her house cleaning skills until she finds the right man. And buy a pool table and a big screen TV. These will all help her keep a quality man in her life.
Best of luck Love.
Michael I lol’d at your commment and then realized that you might actually be serious about what you said. In which case you need to be handcuffed to a tree and fed to the hyenas! Just saying……
Hyenas know how to “mix it up!” Pain and giggles, what a deal!
Since LOVE AFTER LOVE is going to have some extra time while she is healing from her previous relationship… She might as well discover the motives of her guy friends by getting inside their head. That knowledge alone will empower her…
Handcuff me to a tree? Now you’re threatening me with a good time? I’ll meet you in my backyard at 10:00
Now from a guy’s perspective I have to say the way to empowerment is to get the TV and pool table I mentioned before, plus a 4×4 pick-up, 2 motorcycles, and a big big boat! Then let him play with them as long as he treats her well.
LOVE can have any guy she wants, and he won’t go anywhere without her permission. But no hyenas. Hyenas bad!
They say the easiest way to forget someone is to find someone new. lol. But then they also say it’s easy to develop feelings for someone new but what’s hard is forgetting the feelings you had for someone else!
Okay honey listen to me …don’t give a dam to what they say …What they know! ha?
Listen go grab your man …but take it easy and slowly to the next level ..don’t rush it okay because one way or another he will have no one else but you.
BTW , if he is seeing anyone else , just send me her social security number and I will let my boys deal with it . Got it?
BTW people, the chick in the picture here looks pretty hot….
J/J
Um, well kip, gay people woulnt spend time on blogs giving people advice and as much as i hate gay people and i make it clear on here, i think you all know im not gay.
Just to to make it clear to all of you again, Im Not Gay Folks.
Or, me saying this chick is hot could be a coverup and make you guys believe that im straight…. lol.. Go figure huh?
:O I thought you would say that…!