Blood Is Thinner Than Water
March 20, 2009 by Kip
Filed under Best Of KipTip, Dear Kip
[ Blood Is Thinner Than Water ]
Dear Kip,
My father died when I was one and a half years old, back in Soviet Union, about 20 years ago. My mother remarried in 1995 and for 14 years I’ve had a stepfather. He treats me like his own kid and I am very close to my step cousins, as if they are my blood relatives. Yesterday I received a call from my mother saying that my uncle (dead father’s older brother) was going to be in my area and wants to see me because it’s been about 20 years since he saw me. First of all, I don’t know him at all and I had no contact with my blood relatives since my father died. Since I was very little back then, I don’t remember him or any of the relatives on my father’s side. I think it’s very weird in a way for him to try to meet up with me. I know he has kids my age and he’s my uncle, but he’s no one to me and I don’t want to see him. There is no point and it will be a waste of time. Where was he for the last 20 years? What should I do? Should I meet up with him or leave him where he is now — in history?
- HAUNTED BY HISTORY
Dear HAUNTED BY HISTORY,
Out of respect for your dead father you should meet his brother, your uncle. You don’t have to become friends with him or start being in contact with relatives from your father’s side. If that is what they wanted, they would have not lost contact with you in the first place. They are the same thing as strangers to you and if both parties (you and them) don’t have the same goal of reconnecting as family, then it will never work out.
If you decide to meet your uncle, be prepared for major awkwardness. You might want to bring “security objects” with you to the meeting that will help you feel more comfortable. This could be a security blanket (if you’re traumatized enough to have one in your twenties), your favorite coffee maker, a lucky sock, an ugly pet snapping turtle, and etc. Make sure you bring with you a wheelbarrow or an equally large container. Your uncle owes you 20 years worth of birthday and Christmas money and gifts.
If the meeting is going to take place in your home then you need to take “odor precautions.” Every family has their own unique smell in their home. He being saturated in the foreign smell of his own home can contaminate your environment. If you don’t feel like being very hospitable then you might as well make him go through 3 levels of decontamination before putting on biohazard scrubs. You might want to have a dozen air purifiers running just for his visit. Don’t disregard this step! Your brain will associate those historic smells with the loss of your father. The last thing you want to have is an allergic reaction to those historic smells and die on the floor gasping for air in front of your 65” plasma TV.
Even though he has been out of your life for 20 years, you have to be polite and as a gesture of kindness you should present him with a homemade greeting card that you made out of paper, glue, and dried macaroni. Videotaping the meeting with your uncle will help you remember him if you decide to meet him again when you’re 40 or 60.
Good luck, you’re doing this for your father!
- Kip
I gotta agree with Kip on this one… although the meeting might be awkward or unpleasant [at least at first] you should meet up with your uncle. Im sure that even 20 years later he still thinks about his dead brother and would love to see how the seed he has sewn is functioning so many years down the line. As for thte 20years of absence, you should definitely bring it up.
Even though its later, rather than sooner, meeting up with relatives from long ago can surprise you in a very good way. I went through this experience myself in December and discovered i have some incredible people who are connected to me as relatives that I never knew about before.
Thanks for the advice and comments. And no i didnt go and see him. I feel like my freinds and step cousins are closer to me and meeting my uncle would be like meeting some rapist off of some gay chat room.
You mean its not normal to meet rapists off of some chat room????!!!
*runs and cries*
I’ve been lied to all my life!
Ivan-I think you should’ve given it a shot and perhaps in the process you would’ve established some great new connections. But you’re right, sometimes your chosen family (i.e. friends etc..) are better than the ones you’re tied to by blood.