My Boyfriend Isn’t Jerkbroken
March 26, 2009 by Kip
Filed under Best Of KipTip, Dear Kip
[ My Boyfriend Isn't Jerkbroken ]
Dear Kip,
I have a boyfriend and overall he is a great guy, but sometimes he tends to play with my feelings. Many times he has said to me “oh we are just friends.” I don’t think he understands that I don’t like him playing around like that. I have asked him before to stop saying those things but he just doesn’t care. He says that he loves me and that he adores me and etc, but finds it okay to play with my emotions. I like him and he isn’t a bad guy except for his “games.” Sometimes I think that he realizes that I care for him more then he cares for me and abuses it. He never apologizes or feels sorry for hurting me with his “games.” The other day he threw something in my face about me lying to him. I did lie to him and I regret lying to him but he felt that it was okay to throw it back in face. Why me? Why is he taking advantage of me? I don’t want to be take advantage of! What should I do?
- SICK OF YOUR GAMES
Dear SICK OF YOUR GAMES,
Most guys that are boring end up run out of things to say. They fill in the dead air with teasing and hurtful words. Your boyfriend is a level 3 jerk. A level 3 jerk offender is also known as a “dog.” That name is perfect for the treatment that you should administer on him.
Rednecks have an interesting way of training their dogs, it involves a rolled up newspaper. For the same method to work on your boyfriend, surprise is the key. Also, your purse must to be able to hold and preserve a rolled up newspaper. The hardest part for you will be collecting the perfect rolled up newspapers. Make sure that you are subscribed to at least one newspaper delivery service. The newspaper that you will use for treating your boyfriend must be not too heavy or light, and must pack a nice punch. Be sure to test each one on yourself before deciding if it’s perfect. Here is the tricky part, you can probably get a good 5 to 8 healthy smacks out of each perfect rolled up newspaper, so try to limit the amount of times you test it on yourself to a maximum of 2 times. Make sure that you collect a minimum of 10 perfect rolled up newspapers before beginning this treatment. Due to the short lifespan of the perfect rolled up newspaper and the stubbornness of your level 3 jerk boyfriend, you might be out of newspapers by the 3rd day. You might also want to invest in a huge purse and carry 3 to 5 newspapers during the first week of treatment.
Here is how it should work:
- The next time your boyfriend says “oh we are just friends,” quickly grab your purse, whip out your rolled up newspaper, and administer 2 to 3 doses of treatments to the back of his head. Respond to any and all objection to the administered treatment with another dose of treatment.
- The next time your boyfriend says anything negative about you, quickly grab your purse and whip out your rolled up newspaper and administer 1 to 3 doses of treatment his mouth. 1 dose for a low offense, 2 doses for a medium offense, and 3 doses for a high offense. Respond to any and all objection to the administered treatment with another dose of treatment.
- The next time your boyfriend does something that you consider to be jerkish or if he does something that you disapprove, administer the appropriate dose to the appropriate part of his body. If his offense involves him touching you, administer the dosage to his hands. If he passes gas, administer the dosage to his butt. If his dance moves a horrible, administer an equal dosage to his feet, legs, hands, arms, and etc. Respond to any and all objection to the administered treatment with another dose of treatment.
Use as directed but consult his doctor before putting your boyfriend on this amazing treatment.
If you disagree with this type of treatment or if you boyfriend dumps you… Jerks are dime-a-dozen. Move on to a better guy that will treat you better, that is more interesting, and that cares for you the same as you care for him. It’s only a matter a of time before you get sick of your boyfriends actions and send him on his way. After you dump your boyfriend, wheather cured of not, consider raising your standards for boyfriends.
Good luck,
- Kip
Dear Kip:
I’m a little too old to remember teen age problems. I did re-marry at age 82 but now I’m 93 and don’t let a day go by without telling my wife how much I love her. My 1st wife died after we were married for over 61 years. Love is precious.
Earl
Apparently, Earl learned his lesson from your post.
LOL… I’m sure we’re more likely to learn a lesson from him. He’s 93 and in love, wow!
What might that be like…hmmm..
“Hi, my name is Earl. I am 93 years young and I want to offer my relationship advice. Don’t ever, ever cross your woman. Quicker than you can bat an eyeball, she’ll whip out a rolled up newspaper from her purse and administer 2 to 3 doses of treatments to the back of your head. And let me tell you that kind of punishment will set anybody straight.”
Earl I “know” you! I remember coming across your website/blog and being surprised at your age. Keep it up sir and thank you for the great advice.
It sure is precious! I have seen both sets of my grandparents reach 50 years of marriage. Unfortunatly one of my grandpas passed just a month after his 50th wedding anniversary. It was heartbreaking to see my grandma in so much pain from his passing. She kept saying that she didnt know how she’d live without him.
My other set of grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this past January and they’re planning to make it through to their 75th! I would love to see them live that long. They’re still as much in love as they were in their teen years.
I’m confused. This girl realizes he’s abusing the fact that she may care about him more, but stays in the relationship. If a guy is GREAT but he treats you like crap, then he wasn’t that great to begin with. I think she should cut him loose. Mainly because he doesn’t appreciate her, or is waiting for her to break up with him by being a grade A jerk. Just my two cents.
I think that in most relationships one person cares more for the other or love the other person more. I think that its pretty hard for both people to care for each other completely equally.
However I do agree that she should get rid of him. He doesnt seem like he is a good fit for her. Maybe he just has a funny way of showing his appreciation for her. Who knows…
I remember seeing an episode of “Malcolm In The Middle” where Lois finds out that Hal loves her more. Hal isn’t capable of noticing (being attracted) other women but Lois. Very funny stuff!
@Lucy, he’s a great guy based off of how much worse her previous relationships were.
The thing is that some people like to tease that way. Like the “we’re only friends” part.
Im speaking from personal exprience… i.e. I usually do this to guys. haha poor guys
But I only do it when i’m not really feeling the guy.. or havent really decided if I’d want to really have a relationship or not with him. Kinda to gauge his reaction and clue him in that I’m undecided.
Would you continue teasing him that way if he asks you to stop?
I assume that when you say “I usually do this to guys,” you are referring to boyfriends, right? If yes, why are you dating him if you haven’t decided if you really want a relationship with him? That would be equivalent to being on a roller coaster ride and in the middle of the ride to decide that you don’t want to go on the ride that you are already on. It’s a bit late for that.
I find it interesting how people on reality shows let the other person know that they “aren’t feeling them.” They say: “I’m not feeling you, what going on?” If only life was more like reality shows (the shows are fake)…
Every guy likes a little teasing.. him saying stop would mean hes a wussy.. and I dont like wussies!
I am not refering to boyfriends though. I date guys without them being my bf! lol… dating is what happens before anything if “official” or “exclusive”. Dating is just that… going out togheter, spending some time together, figuring out if this is worth investing in. Besides you gotta play the game… even those guys who say “I dont like to play games” all want a “chase”. Might as well give them one and see who’s witty enough and fast enough to catch up and catch me.
If Im “not feeling” someone completely they ain’t even getting a coffee date out of me. F that mess!
haha
LOL! Your methods are very interesting. What you call “dating” is what I call hanging out with a friend. What do you call it when you’re dating a boyfriend (same thing)?
Basically what you are doing is reaffirming to the guy that you two are still what you were before the date, just friends. The reason why he didn’t get upgraded to boyfriend is because you “didn’t feel him.” You observe his reactions and go home.
Well when a guy offers to take me on a date…and he’s not my bf yet but yet its not just friends hanging out cause its a date… wouldn’t that be considered “dating”. Especailly if there are multiple dates with the same person but you’re not in a relationship?!
I don’t see it as we’re “just friends” nor are we a couple. We are dating, or the new popular term “talking”.
There are multiple reasons why a guy isn’t upgraded to “boyfriend” status. But I’ll tell you one thing… when I decide that this guy isn’t going to reach that status in my life, I let him go because there isn’t any point in leading any guy on. If he wants to remain friends after that.. AWESOME. Most guys get butt hurt though… sadly. But its cool… I have many guy friends.
By the way kip, we had a few dogs back in the days and we trained them ourselves, the newspaper thing works. Not on the back of the head, but you gotta hit the dog on his/her nose, and not hard. The nose of a dog is very sensitive and they dont like when anyone touches it.
So instead of smaking your boyfreind on the head with a newspaper, save the earth, dont subscribe to newspapers, buy a steel mini bat and smack your boyfreind in the balls next time he says anything mean to you.
My other advice, get rid of him…
Dear Sick of Your Games,
Dump him and move on…
ehm. dog? its really bad nickname. But its up to you to call him whatever nickname..