Til Prison Do Us Part

[ Til Prison Do Us Part]

 

Dear Kip,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for just over a year, but he’s been in prison for most of that time. It will soon be a year since he’s been in there and June is when he gets out. I’ve been seeing someone else while he’s in prison. I’ve really started liking this other person, and I think I’m starting to fall in love with him. With my boyfriend that is in jail, I feel like there isn’t anything there anymore and I want to break up with him. But, the other person that I’m seeing is my boyfriend’s sisters ex, and he has two kids with her. If all this comes out in the open, then there will be a lot of trouble for the both of us. We want to be together but we won’t be happy were we’re currently living. We talked about moving somewhere together, to get away from all of it, but saying it and actually doing it is two completely different things. Oh my! My head is in bits! I just want this all to end and to be happy with this other person. I want to be with him instead of my boyfriend that’s in jail, and I just don’t want to tell him that it’s over while he’s in prison…. Please help me!
 

- STUCK BETWEEN TWO BOYFRIENDS

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Dear STUCK BETWEEN TWO BOYFRIENDS,

Usually apples don’t fall far from the same tree. I don’t think that your two boyfriends are that different from each other. They’re family thanks to your first boyfriend’s sister. That being said, your standard for boyfriends is VERY low. Your first boyfriend is doing time in prison; he is damaged goods. Your second boyfriend was stupid enough to have kids with your first boyfriend’s sister and she must have been “special” in her own way since they aren’t together anymore. There is one thing in common between you and the second boyfriend, you both made stupid choices.  Since your first boyfriend is within your standard for boyfriends, who knows how messed up your second boyfriend is.

You should move out but not because of you wanting to be with the second boyfriend. You should move out because your first boyfriend has been in prison and would probably not care if he went back. I don’t know why he’s in there but once again, he’s damaged. Who knows what he is capable of. Dump your second boyfriend, he’s not worth the trouble and you don’t need his baggage. Break this love triangle or circle, whatever it is…

If you breakup with your prison boyfriend while he’s in prison, you’ll get a head start if he decides to come after you. If you breakup with him and move away with your second boyfriend, I’m sure that he’ll probably want to “talk” with you both. There is no point in waiting for him to get out of prison for you to “rain on his parade” and dump him. Putting it off will only make it harder to do.
 

Here are cleaver ways to break up with your first boyfriend:

- Tell him that you’ve contracted a rare disease that doctors haven’t yet named and you don’t want to pass it on to him. Wish him a good life and move away.
- Tell him that you JUST realized that he’s such a loser and that you deserve better and then move away.
- Tell him that he can still be your boyfriend if he can pass your “5 question boyfriend test.” Make the questions impossible to answer and then blame him for purposely getting the answers wrong.
 

You might not even have to break up with him… If prison Bubba “got to him” he might not care for women at all! In this case, pretend to be deeply hurt, and move away. You will probably have a tough time deciding where to move to, but before deciding, speak with your prison boyfriend’s doctor or parents. Find out if he has any allergies or if there is any weather conditions that he can’t stand. Once you have that information, it will help narrow down the potential places that you’d want to move to.

Now about your standards for boyfriends… Do your best to raise your standards. You might want to look into getting a new hairstyle and getting a new wardrobe. Make new friends but make sure that they aren’t drug dealers or losers. If you stop saying “yes” to jerks and losers that ask you out, then you will make yourself available only to better guys. It’s up to you to get out of this mess and move on with your life. Your boyfriends are who they are, just two rotten apples next to two closely planted trees.

 

- Kip