My Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn!
May 7, 2009 by Kip
Filed under Best Of KipTip, Dear Kip
[ My Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn! ]
Dear Kip,
My boyfriend has a problem with other girls and porn. He hasn’t gone off and cheated on me with someone else physically, but I still consider the internet and even texting cheating, when it involves desiring other girls. I have been cheated on before and seen my mother in several unfaithful relationships, so I’m pretty good at deciding if someone is lying or telling the truth. He has tried his hardest to not even look at other girls, he deleted all of his various website profiles except for our joint MySpace account and the email account that he uses for family. Because of that, I know he hasn’t been doing anything on the internet. He promised to go to counseling and anything else that I want; if I would just stay with him (he said this while crying). I just can’t tell if he really is sincere, I want to be with him, I really love him, but I want him to prove to me that he is telling the truth, any suggestions?
- SECOND TO PORN
Dear SECOND TO PORN,
You wrote that “he has tried his hardest” and the he promised to do ANYTHING that you ask of him as long as you stay with him. Why isn’t that enough for you and why are you still not sure if he is sincere and telling the truth? Are you looking for a reason to break up with him?
Pornography and lusting for other women is a huge problem and he seems to be doing everything that he can from his side. Since both of you recognize that his problem is going to destroy your relationship, seek professional help. Just a relationship/marriage counselor will not be enough for him; he will need a pornography counselor.
While your boyfriend is seeking professional help, be supportive and as helpful as possible:
- Replace his and your computer with a typewriter
- Dig inside your closet for that old Motorola cell phone from 8 years ago (internetless) and downgrade his phone
- Put all of your boyfriend’s cash onto his debit card and make him go “100% plastic.” Monitor his purchases from his bank’s website
- Let all of your boyfriend’s friends that are single (especially guys) know that they are no longer welcome to be his friend. Be very firm with them. Behind those nerdy virgin faces is a sick collection of porn and a degusting bachelor lifestyle
- Invest in a GPS ankle bracelet for your boyfriend. Set it to send you a text message whenever he enters a prohibited zone that you set.
- Disconnect your cable TV and sell your VCR and DVD/Blueray player. Start watching movies only at theaters and that are rated PG-13, PG, or G
- Don’t go out on dates with your boyfriend to places that are full of women that are more beautiful than you
- Find and destroy his secret emergency stash of porn
- When needed, make your boyfriend wear extremely dark (lenses) sunglasses in public
Your boyfriend wants to be with you and is willing (or so it seems) to give up everything for that. Why not give him a chance? Aside from him doing his best to correct this problem, how else can he prove that he is telling the truth? His actions will speak for him. Based on how well he does with the professional help, you can decide if this is a relationship that you want to pursue. If you have any addictions or problems, when he is working on his issues, then would be the best time to take care of your own issues.
Let me know how everything goes!
- Kip
You are having top world catchy topics. Let the poor guy be addicted to porn but tell him to watch secretly…
There is one thing that women need to understand. When men watch porn it does not automatically mean they don’t love YOU. We watch porn as a form of entertainment and a mental aid when we you girls haven’t given us enough play time, so we have to do it ourselves.
Looking at other girls is, while a slippery slope in any relationship, not the end of a relationship. Looking is allowed at all times. If a man spots a hot chick at the gym he is allowed to stare at her for a bit. Just like women who are allowed to look at another man if they find him attractive.
Anything beyond looking is bound to the rules you set with your partner. If you agreed with each other that you can get a little flirty then no probs, but that’s for you two to decide.
Point is, stop trying to keep him on a tight leash. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone else every once in a while. It happens, it’s a part of our natural instinct. More so with men then with women, but still. However, looking does not mean he’s planning to be unfaithful.
Try to give him some more freedom about this, a tight leash is going to wreck your relationship sooner then him looking at another girls boobs is.
I totaly agree with you robin…. Amen to that
Comrade, I thought that you might have recommended some behavioral therapy. For example, you could have suggested that she should wire him up and apply an electric shock to his private parts every time he visits a porn site. Don’t forget the legacy provided to us by Comrade Pavlov and his dogs!
- Replace his and your computer with a typewriter
- Put all of your boyfriend’s cash onto his debit card and make him go “100% plastic.” Monitor his purchases from his bank’s website
- Invest in a GPS ankle bracelet for your boyfriend. Set it to send you a text message whenever he enters a prohibited zone that you set.
- Disconnect your cable TV and sell your VCR and DVD/Blueray player. Start watching movies only at theaters and that are rated PG-13, PG, or G
- Find and destroy his secret emergency stash of porn
wtf kind of advice is this, you want to turn this guy into a prisoner
90% chance is, your boyfriend isnt addicted to porn – hes just like every other guy who loves to masturbate and watch porn. and TONS of women do it too. So get off your high horse, grab a chair and have some fun with your bf watching porn
Guys who rely on porn to get off – all while they have a loving girlfriend, wife etc – are destroying their relationship, period. Their girl/wife cant help but be hurt very badly by this type of betrayal. I dont think men really get, they like to make excuses “oh its normal…” and “all guys do it..” it It is an insult and humiliating to the one thats hurt. She cant help but compare herself to your sex interest. Women, naturally feel a great deal of competition from other women and if she has true feelings for this guy, how can she be okay with him fantasizing about being with another?? With all this crap that has permiated our world, women are so pissed off by men now, they are becoming just like them. They discuss past lovers private parts,. commenting on their size and performance inadequacies and how they reject the less than endowed ones. I also wonder how a guy would feel if he, when tuning in to the internet whores, saw his insignificant other giving it to some other guy ?
“”"I also wonder how a guy would feel if he, when tuning in to the internet whores, saw his insignificant other giving it to some other guy ?”"”
A Dream Come True!
Women pass an egg once a month; a guy’s factory runs 24/7. Did you get that? That's 24 hr's a day 7 days a week of pro creation.
When the factory has too much surplus, the little guys cram-packed in the nut room, call up stairs to the control tower to do something to alleviate the stress and pressure they're under down there. Hence the term blue balls. We are full-up and need to unload this surplus, so find a buyer quick!
Depending on a guys testosterone levels he may need sex or relief 1-6 time a day while in his twenties and most likely tapering off as he reaches his 50's.
You need to ask yourself, if your man calls for sex 3-4 times a day, are you going to be there for him?
Rarely are women able to keep up with a man’s libido. This is why guys use porn.
If a guy’s factory gets backed up, then his control tower will be eye-balling everything that walks by. He will find himself undress and humping even the butt ugly ones in his mind by the second day.
As his testosterone levels rise, the guy will lose his focus, become moody and even become aggressive.
Too prevent conflicts and confrontations he will do whatever necessity call for to alleviate the stress. Yes, some guys with too much pride will chase every skirt in town including the butt ugly ones. The others, for the sanctity of the family they will fight the temptation and find quite time with porn.
Why porn? Because guys are visual animals like in the hunt while women are sensual to the song and dance, like what he says and how he acts can woo you. You see this in the animal kingdom and humans are no different.
Stop thinking he's like you. That’s a huge error.
If you’re a women with three cycles per month and leaving your guy one week of opportunity, your relationship is headed for fail.
What I mean by a three cycles is a week of pre-menstrual cycle, a week of post-menstrual cycle and then a week of regular monthly PSYCHO. If this is you, your man will either go on the hunt or become addicted to porn. These women are so sensitive that just one wrong word and the hunt is over until the next full moon.
And Shawn, the part you say about women are becoming like men— “they discuss past lovers private parts,. commenting on their size and performance inadequacies and how they reject the less than endowed ones.”
This is nothing new. Only don’t compare that to men because men are not like that, they are more private. They would rather talk about sports, cars or go fishing, and or go do something more productive.
Us men always know when you’re talking behind our backs and that’s why we don’t open up to you. Nothing is sacred. We’ll eventually move on.
And to those women that are not like that, like my wife. We treasure you!
Hence the expression “behind every successful man is a successful women”.
This is the first sensitive response towards women. Its hard to describe how we feel and even harder for men to understand.
I know what you mean marie. I totally agree with you and shawn. Guys now days are perverts. If i was a wife and knew that my husband was slapping the bone to some porn star, i would of took hes 12 gauge and blew his head off.
But, i got a solution for you woman and the guys. Very simple.
All woman have to do is excersize, “push ups, pull ups, running around 12 blocks every day, giving your man a hand job when he wants one {also excersize}”, dye your hair to whatever color your man likes, dress the way your man likes it, take a bunch of proffesional nude pics and make a album and give to him so he can do his thing and BAM, problem solved, no more porn.
Thank me for this wonderul advice.
Good luck.
P.S. Almost forgot. Once your done with the pics, email them to me for approvals.
“While your boyfriend is seeking professional help, be supportive and as helpful as possible:
- Replace his and your computer with a typewriter
- Dig inside your closet for that old Motorola cell phone from 8 years ago (internetless) and downgrade his phone
- Put all of your boyfriend’s cash onto his debit card and make him go “100% plastic.” Monitor his purchases from his bank’s website
- Let all of your boyfriend’s friends that are single (especially guys) know that they are no longer welcome to be his friend. Be very firm with them. Behind those nerdy virgin faces is a sick collection of porn and a degusting bachelor lifestyle
- Invest in a GPS ankle bracelet for your boyfriend. Set it to send you a text message whenever he enters a prohibited zone that you set.
- Disconnect your cable TV and sell your VCR and DVD/Blueray player. Start watching movies only at theaters and that are rated PG-13, PG, or G
- Don’t go out on dates with your boyfriend to places that are full of women that are more beautiful than you
- Find and destroy his secret emergency stash of porn
- When needed, make your boyfriend wear extremely dark (lenses) sunglasses in public”
….OR, both of you realize your relationship is not going to work, and break it off.
Kip,
This advice absolutely sucks. Who would write you? Never mind, I know the type: obsessed with Disney garbage, and ready to send their grandma to Gitmo if necessary to maintain a conservative status quo. Here’s some real advice: If he’s blubbering he’s a fraking baby, and already knows what an asshole he is. You’re much better off than to have to marshall around a big 15 year old for the rest of his pathetic existence like some sort of Inquisition-era nun, while he desperately tries to figure out ways to go sneak off and pull one off. I don’t care how much I loved somebody; if they had to have a GPS bracelet or get rid of all their friends, I think I’d get rid of that person. And of course since I’m a guy, I’d probably end up watching porn since I’d be single. It’s still cheaper than sex.
A, you would write me (and did) and everyone else who has (thank you everyone!).
Thank you A for your comment and advice.
This is not funny. It hurts. I'm not bad looking. "The best he's ever had" that's what he says. In love for 6 years now. And the porn obsession he has just plain HURTS! I now doubt myself. He said "He fantizises about being w/the women he's watching" where does that leave me? it's all my choice weather I'll stay but you know what, IT'S NOT OK TO HURT SOMEONE THAT LOVES YOU, no matter what it is, if you love them enough you would not do whatever you're doing if it hurts the one you love. Bitter, who me? YES. Let me ask the "smart guy" if he has no internet and his bank statement says "payone.com" does that mean he's also into phone sex? I just don't get it.
You are his wife so if you think he gets off by phone-play why not set yourself up in a sexy nighty and dial him up for phone sex. If you can't beat him join him.
Men's sex drive don't just quite because their now married. If they don't get enough they'll go to porn for the lacking or they'll go on the hunt for the skirt chase.
Have you heard this quote by Albert Einstein "Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
Scorned,
While breaking up with somebody may be hard to do, the damage you're doing to both of your emotional lives is even worse. Break it off and don't take advice that obviously isn't going to work. (Like a GPS bracelet or electroshock to his testicles)
I am having issues with my boyfriend. Shortly after we lost our baby I started to notice porn sites on the computer and dozens of pictures, some really worried me then I started to confront him about it all. He "claimed" he was getting it for his brother in law and getting paid for it. I partially believe him because his sister was larger at one time but is now thin…but still this whole thing bothers me. I constantly tell him it bothers me that he looks it up, even videos….I feel like I am not enough for him anymore. After I lost the baby all he's been worried about is getting me pregnant again, yet if I do become pregnant that means my weight will increase and more porn will be on this computer. I don't know what to do, he tells me one thing yet tells me that "I'm not sure we will work out", only cause I know what he thinks of those pictures and videos….I just want to scream at the top of my lungs…I'm so upset and don't know what to do now. I love this man so much and I trust him not to mess up our relationship but I worry he want's that type of girl….and I can't be that type he likes….Goth,Emo, colored hair, super outgoing, wearing sexy outfits anytime. I have already been growing my hair out for him. I rub his back when he asks me to, I would do anything for this man and he knows it. I'm just not sure if he is looking for ideas for us or just likes to look at those things.
Confused in Ohio
Your fears were taught by the peers (competitive bitches) you grew up with. You learn at an early age that women are back stabbing whores and you have to fight every whore in school to hang on to your man.
You’re no longer in high school but the stigma is still ingrained in you but the role as changed.
First thing you need to understand is ALL MEN have their porn, even the religious and the gay. Some may be out in the open and some may prefer to remain hidden
Your husband has been looking at porn ever since he got his first boner he has know his hand long before you just as you have know your finger long before him.
Unless you’re ready to put out many times a day there’s just no way you can keep up with him. After marring you, your sex slowed down as it almost always does and your husband had only two alternatives, cheating by chasing skirts or porn.
Many men feel betrayed by their wife’s when after marriage the women no longer cares to keep up with his libido and so they feel justified chasseing other skirts. Other men however, for the sanctity of the family and marriage will fight the temptation and find quite time with porn. Why does he lie? Because he knows it bothers you and he doesn’t want you to hurt.
You can never stop the porn entirely but you can sure slow it down. How? By being there every time he need relief, by offering a hand job when he show signs of moodiness. By taking care of your health, physic, hygiene, and wearing something sexy once in a while. When he gets home from work, have dinner ready, the house clean and a glass of his favorite drink with a big hug but all in moderation. DON’T smother him or he’ll feel you’re too needy.
THIS SUCKS…WE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT….MY BOYFRIEND MAKE ME FEEL WORTHLESS.I HATE HAVING SEX BECAUSE ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS "IS HE THINKIN ABOUT SOME PORNO" IF HE DOESNT STOP I KNOW THAT IM NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN A PORN WHORE AND THATS AN INSULT….IM A GOOD LOOKING WOMAN YOUNG AND IN SHAPE,I KEEP MYSELF UP BUT WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 5 YEARS MAYBE HE'S JUST BORED AND IT MAY BE TIME TO MOVE ON….