Comments on: My Mom Passed Away A Year Ago… Dad Got A Girlfriend http://kiptip.com/letters/dear-kip/07/14/2009/my-mom-passed-away-a-year-ago-dad-got-a-girlfriend/ Kip helps you answer all of those tough questions... with a pinch of soviet love! Sun, 18 Dec 2011 16:37:06 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: Amanda http://kiptip.com/letters/dear-kip/07/14/2009/my-mom-passed-away-a-year-ago-dad-got-a-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-1537 Amanda Mon, 27 Dec 2010 20:35:28 +0000 http://kiptip.com/?p=1345#comment-1537 Wow, I wish I could find this kid and have a heart-to-heart. I went through the <em>exact </em>same experience when I was 14...unfortunately, the sex talks, redecorating and throwing away of my mother's things eventually lead to a physically abusive environment, too. I hope that's not the case with More Loss & Confusion. What I can offer though, is that I eventually got out of the situation. Sometimes the sit down and talk method doesn't work, it didn't work for me, I got "I'm sorry you feel that way." So, I enjoy you advice Kip, I did a very similar thing as a kid, I'd add to that, if this situation hasn't resolved over the past year...tell everyone you know, everything they are doing That worked for me to help humiliate them for their bad behavior. Even when I got punished, I still went to school and told the world. It also eventually led to me finding another place to live at age 17. Also, pour yourself into school, it's a great way out. I was able to get a scholarship for college which enabled me to not have to rely on people who are not reliable, nor have my best interests at heart. Now I am a healthy, happy woman in my 20s with a college degree that I earned on my own.  Wow, I wish I could find this kid and have a heart-to-heart. I went through the exact same experience when I was 14…unfortunately, the sex talks, redecorating and throwing away of my mother's things eventually lead to a physically abusive environment, too. I hope that's not the case with More Loss & Confusion. What I can offer though, is that I eventually got out of the situation. Sometimes the sit down and talk method doesn't work, it didn't work for me, I got "I'm sorry you feel that way." So, I enjoy you advice Kip, I did a very similar thing as a kid, I'd add to that, if this situation hasn't resolved over the past year…tell everyone you know, everything they are doing That worked for me to help humiliate them for their bad behavior. Even when I got punished, I still went to school and told the world. It also eventually led to me finding another place to live at age 17. Also, pour yourself into school, it's a great way out. I was able to get a scholarship for college which enabled me to not have to rely on people who are not reliable, nor have my best interests at heart. Now I am a healthy, happy woman in my 20s with a college degree that I earned on my own. 

]]> By: Kip http://kiptip.com/letters/dear-kip/07/14/2009/my-mom-passed-away-a-year-ago-dad-got-a-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-1334 Kip Sat, 01 Aug 2009 23:56:53 +0000 http://kiptip.com/?p=1345#comment-1334 If physical abuse was involved then "the right thing to do" (talking to trusted relatives, telling teacher, calling police, etc) would get the kids punished. Either the parents get off the hook and punish the kids or the kids get take away from the parents and their family is torn into pieces. A true lose lose. What the dad and girlfriend are doing, is it not abuse? Is it not neglect? Can the kids be punished more than being forced to forget their loving mother? The kids "acting out" could better the situation. The dad and girlfriend will be forced to eventual reevaluate the situation and try to determine the source of what's angering the kids. Once again though, talking it over with the dad is the best solution. But, what if it doesn't work? What if he just "doesn't get it?" Kids are kids and it's their right to be and act like kids. If physical abuse was involved then “the right thing to do” (talking to trusted relatives, telling teacher, calling police, etc) would get the kids punished. Either the parents get off the hook and punish the kids or the kids get take away from the parents and their family is torn into pieces. A true lose lose.

What the dad and girlfriend are doing, is it not abuse? Is it not neglect? Can the kids be punished more than being forced to forget their loving mother?

The kids “acting out” could better the situation. The dad and girlfriend will be forced to eventual reevaluate the situation and try to determine the source of what’s angering the kids.

Once again though, talking it over with the dad is the best solution. But, what if it doesn’t work? What if he just “doesn’t get it?”

Kids are kids and it’s their right to be and act like kids.

]]> By: Brian D. Hawkins http://kiptip.com/letters/dear-kip/07/14/2009/my-mom-passed-away-a-year-ago-dad-got-a-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-1333 Brian D. Hawkins Sat, 01 Aug 2009 23:41:27 +0000 http://kiptip.com/?p=1345#comment-1333 Again, I think you are missing my point. If a cop pulls you over for no good reason do you split in his face? No, you don't, because you will end up in jail. The whole 'pay back' idea might sound perfect for a TV sitcom but in real life it's just going to make things tough for a couple of teenagers. I agree it's ridiculous behavior on the part of the father, I just don't understand giving advice to children that will more than likely get them punished. Statements like, "if some bitch came into my family home and got rid of all the physical memories I have of my mom i would take all her stuff and have me a nice bonfire in the front yard" is something you hear in a bar any day of the week but rarely see materialize. That's because the move would get them locked up. Yeah, great advice for teenagers! Again, I think you are missing my point. If a cop pulls you over for no good reason do you split in his face? No, you don’t, because you will end up in jail. The whole ‘pay back’ idea might sound perfect for a TV sitcom but in real life it’s just going to make things tough for a couple of teenagers.

I agree it’s ridiculous behavior on the part of the father, I just don’t understand giving advice to children that will more than likely get them punished.

Statements like, “if some bitch came into my family home and got rid of all the physical memories I have of my mom i would take all her stuff and have me a nice bonfire in the front yard” is something you hear in a bar any day of the week but rarely see materialize. That’s because the move would get them locked up. Yeah, great advice for teenagers!

]]> By: Kip http://kiptip.com/letters/dear-kip/07/14/2009/my-mom-passed-away-a-year-ago-dad-got-a-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-1284 Kip Sun, 26 Jul 2009 01:04:41 +0000 http://kiptip.com/?p=1345#comment-1284 Brain, Ridiculous is the dad and girlfriend talking about their hot sex last night in front of children, children that haven't got over their loss of a mother. If the dad and girlfriends aren't willing to cooperate and take on the role of parents, they deserve the payback. Is that too Mars or too Venus for you? The advice is reasonable. Brain,

Ridiculous is the dad and girlfriend talking about their hot sex last night in front of children, children that haven’t got over their loss of a mother.

If the dad and girlfriends aren’t willing to cooperate and take on the role of parents, they deserve the payback. Is that too Mars or too Venus for you? The advice is reasonable.

]]> By: Paul http://kiptip.com/letters/dear-kip/07/14/2009/my-mom-passed-away-a-year-ago-dad-got-a-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-1273 Paul Thu, 23 Jul 2009 10:20:14 +0000 http://kiptip.com/?p=1345#comment-1273 Planet Earth Sir.... Planet Earth Sir….

]]> By: Brian D. Hawkins http://kiptip.com/letters/dear-kip/07/14/2009/my-mom-passed-away-a-year-ago-dad-got-a-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-1264 Brian D. Hawkins Sat, 18 Jul 2009 23:59:04 +0000 http://kiptip.com/?p=1345#comment-1264 I think her and her brother need to sit down and talk with the Father (The nice way). She could start by letting him read that letter. The payback way is just ridiculous! They are very young teenagers and under the control of the very person you are talking about 'paying back'. This is real life (assuming the letter is real), not a funny movie. Punishment and discipline are real too and that's what they would be facing in most families. How is that going to help the situation? I mean really, 13 and 14 year old teenagers jump into Daddy's bed? What planet are you from? I think her and her brother need to sit down and talk with the Father (The nice way). She could start by letting him read that letter.

The payback way is just ridiculous! They are very young teenagers and under the control of the very person you are talking about ‘paying back’. This is real life (assuming the letter is real), not a funny movie. Punishment and discipline are real too and that’s what they would be facing in most families. How is that going to help the situation? I mean really, 13 and 14 year old teenagers jump into Daddy’s bed? What planet are you from?

]]> By: Paul http://kiptip.com/letters/dear-kip/07/14/2009/my-mom-passed-away-a-year-ago-dad-got-a-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-1262 Paul Sat, 18 Jul 2009 07:39:10 +0000 http://kiptip.com/?p=1345#comment-1262 lol. Damn kids. What the hell is wrong with them? I think the first time i ever said a bad word was in 11th grade, i was 17... lol. Damn kids. What the hell is wrong with them? I think the first time i ever said a bad word was in 11th grade, i was 17…

]]> By: MissLiLLy http://kiptip.com/letters/dear-kip/07/14/2009/my-mom-passed-away-a-year-ago-dad-got-a-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-1258 MissLiLLy Sat, 18 Jul 2009 00:55:18 +0000 http://kiptip.com/?p=1345#comment-1258 13 year olds have worse mouths on them than I do! No apology from me... good day sir! 13 year olds have worse mouths on them than I do!

No apology from me… good day sir!

]]> By: Paul http://kiptip.com/letters/dear-kip/07/14/2009/my-mom-passed-away-a-year-ago-dad-got-a-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-1257 Paul Fri, 17 Jul 2009 09:32:13 +0000 http://kiptip.com/?p=1345#comment-1257 Miss Lilly, did you forget that this person is 13 years old? Take it easy with that language and apologize to her and us. :)- After all, not everyone is as bad as we are. Miss Lilly, did you forget that this person is 13 years old? Take it easy with that language and apologize to her and us. :) - After all, not everyone is as bad as we are.

]]> By: MissLiLLy http://kiptip.com/letters/dear-kip/07/14/2009/my-mom-passed-away-a-year-ago-dad-got-a-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-1255 MissLiLLy Fri, 17 Jul 2009 06:41:04 +0000 http://kiptip.com/?p=1345#comment-1255 I think men like to bury thier problems deep instead of trying to deal with them. Plus men become dependent on their girl friends and wives and cant fend for themselves besides the whole "money maker" bit. They rely on the woman to keep the house going, to have dinner prepared and take care of lifes other tedious tasks. True..not ALL men are like that but I think that its the case with the majority of the male population. With that being said your father could very well be one of those men who strongly depends on a woman and found solace in whoever this new woman is. Plus it sounds like she is living in the house and you feel like she is incrouching on your mothers space and on your mothers things. Your father seems to just want to forget the whole thing every ahppened and therefore makes drastic changes to make the old home seem new. Everyone has a different way of grieving and unfortuanly his ways do no mesh with yours. HOWEVER if some bitch came into my family home and got rid of all the physical memories I have of my mom i would take all her stuff and have me a nice bonfire in the front yard. How insensitive can one person be??! But Paul also seems to have a point. Maybe this woman was a part of your dads life before your mother every passed way? Either way... thats a pretty terrrible situation for you to be in. Maybe you can go stay with some other family like your grandma and not have to deal with this insanity. Best of luck I think men like to bury thier problems deep instead of trying to deal with them. Plus men become dependent on their girl friends and wives and cant fend for themselves besides the whole “money maker” bit. They rely on the woman to keep the house going, to have dinner prepared and take care of lifes other tedious tasks.
True..not ALL men are like that but I think that its the case with the majority of the male population.

With that being said your father could very well be one of those men who strongly depends on a woman and found solace in whoever this new woman is.

Plus it sounds like she is living in the house and you feel like she is incrouching on your mothers space and on your mothers things. Your father seems to just want to forget the whole thing every ahppened and therefore makes drastic changes to make the old home seem new. Everyone has a different way of grieving and unfortuanly his ways do no mesh with yours.

HOWEVER if some bitch came into my family home and got rid of all the physical memories I have of my mom i would take all her stuff and have me a nice bonfire in the front yard. How insensitive can one person be??!

But Paul also seems to have a point. Maybe this woman was a part of your dads life before your mother every passed way? Either way… thats a pretty terrrible situation for you to be in. Maybe you can go stay with some other family like your grandma and not have to deal with this insanity.

Best of luck

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