How To Meet Guys

[ How To Meet Guys ]

 

Dear Kip,

Im a single 22 year old. Im your everyday average American girl but I don’t have much luck with my love life. I need your friendly advice on how to meet guys… They don’t even notice me! I dont want to sound desperate… but I am.
 

- GUYLESS

---

Dear GUYLESS,

To tell you the truth… I don’t know how you feel because I never had that kind of problem.
Don’t worry though because I can still help you. You just need to follow my ABC’s.

A. Attraction
B. Breasts
C. Character

 

You’re probably thinking “Girl, what are you saying? Now in English please?”
 

A. You need to be attractive.
- Go shopping with one of your girlfriends that doesn’t have problems in this department and buy a new wardrobe.
- Get your nails done at a nail salon that accepts credit cards and where the workers speak English [manicure and pedicure].
- One of the biggest turn offs for guys is a girl with a mustache.  If you have one, WAX IT OFF!
- Get Brazilian waxing done to you. It will hurt like hell but worth the suffering.
- If you look like Ugly Betty then only a Hollywood studio can fix you! You will need to sign up for a makeover on some TV show.

B. Your breasts are the bait.
- If you weren’t blessed with anything B cup and above, then bless yourself by buying a Victoria Secrets pushup bra.
- If you’re as flat as an ironing board, you might need to also add wool socks to your pushup bra.
- Get into the habit of spilling things on your chest when in restaurants and other places. Note: This works best with male waiters.
- Perfect the art of falling into pools and into lakes.
- Start jogging daily around areas where attractive guys hangout.

C. You must have a good character.
- Don’t hit or stalk guys.
- Think before you do something.
- Sharing is caring.
- Be thankful for any attention that you get.
- Help old people cross the street.

 

You don’t need to do anything else since your trap is set and baited. All you do then is just wait for guys to be drawn to you.

Remember: There is only “so much” ugly that can be fixed on a person, fake breasts only attract fake guys, and if you don’t like yourself then no one else will.

 

Go get em’ babe!

- Kip