Crushed Love By Fat Pig

[ Crushed Love By Fat Pig ]

 

Dear Kip,

I’m a married mother of 3 kids. I’m 23 and have been married for 4 years. My hubby likes to play his PS3 (PlayStation 3) and watch movies all of the time. He doesn’t like to make love because he is too fat, it’s difficult for him, and it’s “too much work.” On top of everything we get into fights and with every fight he threatens to divorce me. Well, a year ago we got into one of those fights and I took him seriously and end up cheating on him twice (two different men). I ended up getting pregnant and I wasn’t sure if the baby was my husbands. I’m very sorry for cheating on my husband and I cried throughout the whole pregnancy. After the baby was born I found out that the baby was his which was huge relief for me. We got along for the next two months and then he went back to being his old self. We rarely make love so I get it somewhere else. I know it’s wrong but I’m at a loss on what to do. To make matters worse I’m in love with someone else and I still love my husband. We still fight and he still threatens to divorce me each time.
 

- CRUSHED LOVE

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Dear CRUSHED LOVE,

This might be hard for you to admit but it seems that the PS3 was the wrong choice of game console.  The Wii is a more family friendly and requires more physical activity than the PS3. It might have made a difference in your relationship [love life?] but you still would have cheated on him.
 

You don’t love someone and then go sleep with two other guys, get pregnant, learn your lesson, and continue to cheat on them!

It is not enough for you to get married…
It is not enough for you to have a husband…
It is not enough for you to have children…
It is not enough for you to cheat on your husband once…
It is not enough for you to cheat on your husband with one guy…
It is not enough for you to cheat on your husband with a second guy…
It is not enough for you that your baby could have been someone else’s…
It is not enough for you to continue cheating on your husband with who knows who…
 

You don’t love your husband, you feel sorry for him. Just because you’re feeling guilty doesn’t mean you love him. Ok, so your husband is a fat pig? HOW ABOUT YOU STOP FEEDING HIM?! He might be the “love crusher” but you for sure are the “marriage crusher.”

Statistics show that men think about sex on average once every 7 seconds. Are you going to bed wearing an ugly tee-shirt? Do you take care of yourself [looks]? How is your weight? Why is the tv/video games more important to your husband than you?

If you are perfect (I doubt it) there is always a sledgehammer that could be used [with little effort] on the PS3 and on the TV.
 

THERE IS NEVER A GOOD ENOUGH EXCUSE TO CHEAT!
 

The least you can do now is stop your whorish ways and be the wife and mother that you’re supposed to be.
 

Eh, for good measures… go ahead and smash the PS3 and TV.

- Kip