Scared To Wed
[ Scared To Wed ]
Dear Kip,
I’m in love with a guy that only saw once in my life. I saw him when he was buying my brother’s car and then I never saw him ever again. Six months pass and I get a text message from unknown number. Then we started talking and he told me that he was the guy that bought my brother’s car. So we kept talking and for the past two months we been talking nonstop every day. In the past two months we understood that we were in love with each other desperately. I’m a Russian Christian Baptist, but he is an Asian Buddhist. I know that in our religion it’s a sin to date someone with different beliefs. I can’t live a minute without talking to him, I am scared to tell my family who I’m in love with. I really want to share my happiness with someone, but I’m scared. My mom found out that I’ve been talking to someone, but I had to lie to her and tell her that it was a Russian Christian guy from another state. Please help me!
- SCARED TO WED
Dear SCARED TO WED,
Love doesn’t have boundaries! Unfortunately, marriage has boundaries and isn’t as limitless as love. You and that Buddhist Asian are not compatible.
Lets, start with the basics… you eat with a spoon and fork. He eats with chopsticks. You eat borsch and other European dishes. He eats rice and other dishes that include rice. Do you see how incompatible you guys really are? Think of your babies… they’ll be not white or brown but probably striped! You believe in one God and he believes in a fat monk.
You probably can overcome a lot of these issues but they will only make things more difficult for you and him. 50% of marriages in the United States fail as it is. You can’t live a minute without talking to him? Yeah, it’s called being in love, it ends, and then the hard work begins. True love is a choice. You choose to love someone not for some particular reasons but just because you choose to love them. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this Mr. Chang that you only saw once in your life? People are different in person and most long distance relationships don’t work. Parents aren’t always right but you must be honest and realistic with yourself.
Don’t forget what they say about Asian men… 
- Kip
Scared to Wed,
Take this from someone who knows… its REALLY hard to mesh two cultures and form a union of marriage. Its quite true what kip has already noted just about the habits in general… they are very different and yes you can learn to adapt but how much culture will your children really have if they are constantly ripped between the two. I myself have dated guys of every background pretty much and every origin. You can say I have tasted “all the colors of the rainbow” but I have found that I have most in common with those who are of the same background as me; Russian Christians.
Its hard enough as it is to make relationships work, let alone to add all these other variables. And really how long can you hide it form your parents about who he is.. eventually they’ll have to find out. Are you willing to risk your relationship with your parents for this guy that you barely know for 2 months? Don’t be fooled by all the talking that you two are doing. It doesn’t mean jack until it is tried and tested by time. Its easy to get attached to someone and get used to them being around all the time, even if its on the phone. However you really do choose who you fall in love with and you can fall in love more than once.
My advice to you… get rid of this guy as fast as you can and cry your little heart out into your pillow and then open your eyes to the guys that are already in your life or even in your church. I am sure that one of them can catch your eye and you two can form a union that will last throughout the years.
PS: Kip, the stereotypes aren’t always true..
~
@MissLiLLy
And there are exceptions to most rules
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“I’m in love with a guy that only saw once in my life.” What? HAHA. Do you fall in love with every guy you see? And what exactly did you see in him in those 5 minutes that made you think you belong with him? You gotta be joking. I honestly don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do believe what kip said about Asian man… LOL, google it
hah last line haha.. don’t forget!
NO NO NO. Honey, being in love FOR REAL means you should be able to talk to him about your concerns, and work them out together. You need to both be able to compromise, each giving in ways you are able to without feeling as though you are compromising more than you are willing to. I understand the catholic thing, as I grew up catholic as well. But, do you accept this as sin, or do you have your owm beliefs? Love is of God, not man’s rules. If you both love each other enough to make it work, then give it a go. Every one has an opinion, but it is only your and his opinions that matter in this case. Talk to him. If you can’t do that, then this isn’t love. If you can, then this may be the chance of a life time for both of you. Yes, there is such a thing as love at first sight. My grandparent’s had that, and they were married, happily, for life. There are always struggles that must be endured to reach the grand prize.