Symptoms Of A Broken Heart!
March 19, 2009 by Kip
Filed under Best Of KipTip, Rants
[ Symptoms Of A Broken Heart ]
If somebody would tell me that they were feeling the way that I am feeling now after 1 month of knowing someone, I would’ve laughed in their face and said that there is no way possible for anyone to feel this way after a mere month. After all, don’t connections and ties get established over a long period of time and not overnight?! I would’ve never thought that I could fall for someone so quickly. I never thought that I was capable of trusting a guy in such a short period of time to start letting my guard down. Brick by brick, we said. I figured it was okay for me to let go. But I was so wrong. He wasn’t there to catch me.
In my mind I keep replaying the memories. Hell there wasn’t anything bad, but then again what could go bad in a month?! I kept thinking that everything is okay, our connection was as strong as ever and the chemistry between us was intense. Chemistry is one thing, but what got me was that we were so comfortable with each other. We weren’t afraid of getting deep into conversation and exposing a bit of our souls to each other. I spoke very openly with him about a lot of things, the kind of things that will really let a person know about who I am and not just the surface topics.
I can’t call him a chapter in my life, I’m not even sure that I can classify him as a page in my book but I sit here attempting to fight back the tears. I can’t allow myself to cry cause that would be stupid, but at the same time I wish I could just let go and get it all out and deal with it instead of burying it in the back of my mind. Maybe if I let myself fully feel the pain that he caused me, I would be able to move on quicker.
It seems to me that it really doesn’t matter to him, he doesn’t even care that I am no longer in his life. I dont understand how he isn’t a part of my life anymore. How is he completely cut out of the picture?! Was anything that we shared real? Those of you who saw us together say that you saw the connection between us, you could tell that it was deeper than just surface things. Thats what I thought too. I started to believe those words that he said and he made me feel like it was ok for me to let go little by little. He made me feel like it would be okay to keep falling deeper, after all wouldn’t you want your woman to trust you and fall deeper in like with you instead of being stonecold?
I have so many questions and not enough answers. I just want to know what he’s feeling right now, what he’s going through. I just want to know if I ever meant anything to him. I need to know that this pain I’m going through wasn’t just in vain and that I wasn’t that gullible and naive. I need to know that what we had wasn’t a figment of my own imagination but it was real and it was there.
When you find that person in life who is attractive, intelligent, strong, independent dont you hold on to that? When you say that you never imagined someone could understand you to the depths that I do… wouldn’t you want to keep that around? You said that you needed and wanted a strong woman because weak girls suck the life out of you, was I too strong? I told you I’m not the type of girl who needs rescuing, was I too independent? Did I give you too much attention, did I show you too much affection? When I care for someone I want to take care of them, I have my nurturing side. I want to make sure that you’re happy, that you’re comfortable and that you’re satisfied. Do you feel like you don’t deserve that in your life? What is it about me that was so wrong when you said everything was just so right?
I bared not just my body, but my soul for you. I brought you around my friends and I brought you around my family. I let you into my home. God knows I don’t bring anyone home. I don’t like to integrate others parts in my life with those guys that I’m seeing because I never trust that anything will last. But I made an exception for you, I went on a limb and you completely tore me down. If you didn’t want any emotions involved you should’ve kept it physical. I’m still trying to make sense of it all and I’m trying to understand what use you were in my life if I’m left with so much pain.
- HEARTBROKEN FOOL
You poor girl… What a bastard! People that do this sort of thing usually end up like their victims — heartbroken.
Heart breaks and aches are a bi!ch… but what doesnt kill us makes us stronger.
Sucks to have to live through something like that, but if its all good.. if its not good.. then its not the end!
At one point or another, most people get their fairytale ending. Right Kip?!
Oh, yes! A fairytale ending indeed… What usually end up happening is you get the prince but the white horse is a mule, or you get the white horse but the prince is a frog, or its a Shrek fairytale and your prince wears thongs, likes to look in the mirror more than you, and his mother is a mother-in-law from hell… Life doesn’t let most of us have everything… God really does have a sense of humor! LOL @ Life
For most people its the frog without the horse [or the mule]. Hell even Shrek would be a more viable option.
hahah
i kid
Kip, when a bloke rejects a pal of mine I have one bit of advice that always does the trick:
‘He’s gay’
If you rock, and from your writing I’d say that you do, then clearly…he’s gay.
Think about, you’ll see I’m right.
Assuming for one moment he’s not gay (unlikely as you’re the bomb)
His other motives are that he’s in love but he’s not ready to be in love. He doesn’t want marriage, flowers or commitment. He wants freedom and to shag as many other women as he can………
But then he’ll come back to you, he’ll picture your face when he’s doing them.
His loss!!
I hope you heal.
Leah x
Aunty Leah, great advice! I’m not the author of this rant, HEARTBROKEN FOOL is, and I’m just sharing it with the world. I’m sure she’s going to love your comment! Thanks!
I am totally broken. Cant sleep. Eat too much. Feel dead. Going through the motions. Cant remember the last time I felt good. I was deeply in love and cant find the acceptance that its over. After he said im his other half and missing rib, e.t.c 2 Years for nothing. I’m on autopilot
Half a person, you shouldnt let someone else define who you are. You need to be complete on your own before you’re able to have someone else come into your life and let them assume such an important role. Because as you can see when they walk away you feel like you’re missing a part of yourself. No one should complete you, they should just compliment you.
I can imagine though how hard thigns are for you, after all 2 years is quite some time to devote to someone.
*Hugs*
Trust me.. I know exactly what you’re giong through. I did the same thing. I let my gaurd down and she cheated on me twice. I’m a guy by the way. A really weak one at that. We got back together tonight. She promised me she would never do that to me again, but i’m not sure. Anyway… I’m sorry that anyone had to endure that. “Love is another word for shackels and chains that can only be broken by heart break and pain”. -Anonymous. With Much Love..
WOOOO for me, im a lucky girl
well currently I am suffering the same dilemma, and i don't if i can make it!gees the pain!!T____T, loving and trusting that easily…welcoming him in my life…..—and he answer it with GREat pain…
I Know your pain 6 months and I stupidly married him after three. Now I face what you do and $2000 for a divorce. It makes no sence and never will but the pain is still real and so is the confussion.
I feel like this…only I never got to be in a real relationship with mine… I gave knowing I'd get nothing in return but friendship and now I lost that, too…
" Did I give you too much attention, did I show you too much affection? When I care for someone I want to take care of them, I have my nurturing side. I want to make sure that you’re happy, that you’re comfortable and that you’re satisfied. Do you feel like you don’t deserve that in your life? What is it about me that was so wrong when you said everything was just so right?" - this in particular sticks in my mind.
Thank you for telling my story even better than me, in two months i let my guard down to someone i never knew, gave him my body, my heart and my mind. I loved him, STILL love him, but wow i was not even an after thought, this too will pass, love and life has taught me a lesson, one well learnt. The bricks have gone up higher and thicker, I refuse to be the victim again, no more tears, pining over him. Today will be the last day that tears comes to my eyes.
Thanks a million for that story it suddenly feels like I am not alone.
Shattered heart
Most ppl get there heart broken but if your really strong enough you can get back up n fight it off,life is full of surprises just because certain challenges you face are hard it doesn't mean you have to back down on life.No matter what the situation is you have to fight it with courage and strength,at the end of the day its just you.Are you goin to make a change for the better?Are you strong enough to let go?Are you willing to start over? All things that should have the answer yes to but it isn't always easy,it's your time to make a change and start new….broken hearts come and go don't question yourself move on and make the new relationship better.So for all thats been broken hearted start over with all positive attitude don't let any negative person come in your way.Good Luck it will be hard….
It sounds like he was a player. I have had this done to me and I am sorry he hurt you.